jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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