Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I could fuck to npr.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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