OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The Olympian is in my bed
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
