last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
