I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
