I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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