nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
