found the other keg... it's in the tree
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
