fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
