oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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