Non-Jews are for practice
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
