i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
3pm strippers are depressing
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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