Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
