so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
