This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
