you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
