pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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