Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
