Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
