thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
