his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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