Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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