I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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