I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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