i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
