CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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