I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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