What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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