I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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