why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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