He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
