i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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