Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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