I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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