one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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