If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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