I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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