Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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