Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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