so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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