My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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