It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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