Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
