On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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