I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
someone owes me an orgasm
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
