Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I smell stomach acid.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......

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(707): View more from California

We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.

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(253): View more from Washington

We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?

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(301): View more from Maryland

Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?

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(269): View more from Michigan

I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.

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(310): View more from California

That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.

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(702): View more from Nevada

So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?

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