He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
