I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
