She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
