just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
