goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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