I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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